From all the lack in my life, year after year, lacking basic fundamental needs I have never fulfilled, my parched soul still screams.
Can you hear it? It takes a toll on me, as it does many who grew up like I did. That is why my focus is on getting those needs met, because I am then in better shape to help others. I hope my focus will be clear.
Beginning with the basic needs all children need to grow into happy healthy children, I received hatred and abuse. There was no way for me to grow up confident or happy. Every day was a struggle for survival battling the three people society and my school told me were the people I could go to for comfort and unconditional love.
As the youngest, I somehow survived a childhood so traumatic my family locked it away in amnesia by overwhelming me, bullying me, and teaching me hatred. I know beliefs fuel behavior; what did they lock away in my head that something might trigger horrid buried deep inside me I know nothing about because I cannot reach it?
As expected, because of that monstrous upbringing, I have multiple mental and physical health problems. From clinical depression and complex ptsd up to autoimmune health problems, spinal stenosis, morbid obesity, and crippling chronic fatigue, I wonder how different my health could have been if I had grown up in a healthy home.
Would you like to know what is worse? There are billions of people around the globe who know this firsthand because they survived it too. Sadly, many have not. Not all of us make it out of domestic violence alive, I am heartbroken to say.
An abusive childhood not only burdens the child’s mental and physical health, it does not prepare them for life as an adult. Depression’s burden leaves kids starved and needy for any attention that can get, even unhealthy attention that leads them into sexual abuse and incest.
I know that because one of my abusers bullied me into it and the second I took part in, willingly.
Carrying the suffocating burden of child abuse and domestic violence is like dragging around tons of putrid toxic waste and having to make it through each day despite that megaton weight.
Is it any wonder the abused end up acting out, become addicts, disabled, in poverty, unable to help in their communities because that toxic waste is an enormous obstacle they cannot get through.
Because of that, their lives are a huge, long distortion, littered with mental illness and physical illness, products of self-loathing and self-destruction to such a degree that they may never know their talents.
And neither will we.
- Sober 13+ Years, This Is What I Want People to Understand About Bullying and Cyber-Trolling - December 15, 2020
- The T.V. Interview, the Daily Mail Article, and the Closer UK Interview About My Reformed Bullying Behavior *TRIGGER WARNING* - December 13, 2020
- Sober 12+ Years, This is What I Have Learned in Recovery About Apologizing and Making Amends - December 13, 2020